Alone

The thing about living alone is, well, it sometimes gets lonely.

Unless I make a conscious effort to hang out with people and have community in my life, it just wouldn't happen.

I'm beginning to learn that this is not a bad thing.

You see, the thing is, when I'm surrounded by people on a regular basis they become my support system, which in most cases is a good thing.

But people aren't always going to be there...not always.

So I find myself relying so heavily on them for support, whether that be emotionally or spiritually or even sometimes physically, that I tend to forget about the most important support system.

My Savior Jesus Christ.

How silly of me to think that earthly things and people could replace Him.

Another thing about living alone. Well, I have a lot of free time to think. So I think, a lot. Maybe its more of like a pondering. Either way, I ponder a lot.

And here is something I've been pondering.

Do you ever feel like where you are is the place you are supposed to be, but you aren't actually supposed to stay there, like maybe it's just a stepping stone to where you are supposed to end up. And if that's the case, how do you know when you are supposed to move on, and to where?

I love Grand Rapids. I love my job, I love my friends, but somewhere, something deep within me isn't content with this life. It's like I was made for something more purposeful, more selfless, not as much about me, but more of other people...something with very little gain for myself.

And yet I have no idea what that is.

I have ideas of what I would like it to be. I picture myself in a rural village in Africa or South America, cute little orphans all around me, sweat dripping from my forehead from a long days toil of delivering babies and saving lives. But even then I'm bringing this back to myself.

So how do I know figure out the fine line between being content but not complacent. How do I know when I'm supposed to just be happy where I'm at and when I'm supposed to be looking for whats ahead.

I guess I'll just have to trust the man with the road map :-)