A new beginning

I can't believe it's been over a year since my last blog post, although, I guess I can believe it.  Time flies.  And as much as I would like at times for time to stop in it's tracks, it doesn't. It just keeps ticking and flying by.

Sounds like life to me. One constant flow of chaos.  Sometimes I feel like a chaos magnet. 

Something that has been hardest for me as of late is the lack of rhythm to my life.

Does life ever get rhythmic? And if it does... is that really what I want?

Is a rhythmic life a good thing, or is it something that appears good on the surface but really is harmful to us?

It's so easy to get comfortable with rhythm. 

Like right now I find myself wide awake at 4:30 in the morning.  Only because I worked til 7am the night before, got 3 hours of sleep before starting my day at 1pm and then crashed at 7pm, only to awaken at 3am WIDE AWAKE.

There is nothing rhythmic about that.  

It's not that I really mind chaos. In fact there are times that I crave it. I mean, I work in an ER and there is NOTHING "non-chaotic" about an ER. 

Sometimes I just wonder if amidst the chaos you lose or forget something vital to life. I wonder if the small little details that often get forgotten in the chaos aren't really just details, but are intricate parts of what makes us tick, what makes us come alive.  

And so begins my quest. Not a quest of perfection, but of balance. A balance between chaos and rhythm, between complex and simple, between what is unnecessary and what is essential.  

A quest to find what makes me tick and what makes me come alive.

But it's not really about me, is it?